I’ve had two totally “WOW!!” days this week, you know the kind where in the midst of all the turmoil God speaks as clear as day and you can’t help but go “WOW!!” It would have been great if God had of shown me what was next for me, He didn’t, but I LOVE the way He’s taking care of me in this difficult time of my life.
Encouragement came through two blogs that I regularly read Swerve and Ragamuffin Soul. Swerve had a weeks worth of posts dedicated to the ‘seasons’ of life and ministry, talk about appropriate! I cant tell you how much these encouraged me this week!
The second was two posts on Ragamuffin Soul. The first about relevance and how we need to rethink how we as Christians (and the church) justify our actions becasue we are being ‘relevent’.
The second entitled Safety Jesus challenges us to think about how ‘safe’ we like to be in our lives and how Jesus never promised that following Him will be safe, in fact Jesus was pretty clear that its dangerous and risky, we are safe in His arms but if we’re living it ‘safe’ then we’re probably missing His will for us…
I’ll post more detailed thoughts on these soon, I wanted to keep my promise to keep you up to date with what I’m learning through this tough time in my life.
I feel like crap right now.
Today we were told that our boss is moving on to a new job which all but signals the end of our work team. Nothing is clear yet, but with our work projects winding up Dec 31 2009 and nothing new to replace them, the signs are pretty clear.
Fortunately where I work our positions are secure, they cant fire us they have to find us ‘other positions’. My problem is that it’s more than likely that I’m not going to keep my higher duties meaning I drop 2 pay grades and things may get tight at home.
With all that’s happened in the last 2 weeks I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck… I wish I knew what was coming… I know that I’m in a prime position for God to work in my life, unfortunately I’m impatient and would like to see it now.
I’m not depressed or upset, I guess I just feel like I’m in a holding pattern, circling the next stage of my life waiting for the signal to land. I’m expecting this to be a big growth period in my life, I just hope it doesn’t hurt too much!
I’ll keep you posted, I know God is going to work and I’ll do my best to share it all with you
Ever felt like you just don’t fit?
Like those favouriate pair of jeans that have somehow seemed to shrink all of a sudden you feel like you are suddenly out of place, squished, pulled, tugged and out of shape with the world you live in.
That’s how I’m feeling right now… like I don’t fit where I am. It’s been a tough few weeks since going public with the decision to step down from the worship ministry, it’s hard to not have an avenue to use the gifts and talents you know you have. I know that my current job is not a long term career option, I could sit quite comfortably there, do my work for great pay, but I know deep down inside that would be selling myself short. I’ve been created for bigger things, I believe that God has a plan for me that I’m still waiting for the next step… I have faith, but faith doesn’t make it any easier to deal with the uncertainty and the feeling of not fitting in.
So right now I dont know what’s next or where I fit and its a scary place to be. Yes, I have options to explore but none of them provide a clear path forward.
I wonder how long I’ll feel like this.. how long before I find the next step… time will tell I guess.
Have you ever felt like you don’t fit? Do you have any advice?
Change is never a comfortable time, but somehow I think we appreciate that in the long run.
Last week my decision to step down as worship director at the church I attend was made public. I haven’t had much feedback about that as yet but now its out there and its more real than ever before. Uncertainty is now my path as I wonder what God has for me next.
It’s hard to stay positive in uncertain times, I find myself dwelling on the things I wont get to do so much now, about how will I keep my skills up when I’m not using them all the time and the opportunities I feel I may miss.
But the toughest thoughts by far are the ones that tell me that maybe I’m being ‘shelved’, that all my talent, gifts and abilities are being put on the shelf and not being used for what they are intended. For someone that seeks to be actively engaged, making the most of every situation this is extremely distressing. This isn’t the first time in my life I’ve felt like this and I have learnt good lessons from past experiences, but that doesn’t make it any easier.
A good friend and mentor once said that God has every right to put me on the shelf if He sees fit… that is such a powerful statement and one that I really don’t like to accept as truth, even though it is. I acknowledge that my gifts, talents and abilities are gifts from God and as such He is well within His rights to do with them as He sees fit… doesn’t make it any less uncomfortable to live in uncertainty…
How about you, have you ever felt ‘shelved’? How did you cope? What advice can you offer me?