How to Survive a New Job

wink cupI just started in a new job, same place of employment just a new area of work, completely different to my previous position. As with most new jobs, the learning curve is huge and my mind feels all squishy as I try to cram more and more information into it. It’s occupying the majority of my mental capacity at the moment but my sense of humour seems to be functioning fine.

 So here are my top tips for surving your new job:

  •  Ignore the first five people who say “good morning” to you
  • To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace
  • While going in the elevator, gasp dramatically each time the doors open
  • When in the elevator with one other person, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasnt you
  • Say to your boss, “I like your style”, wink and shoot him/her with double-barreled fingers
  • Everytime you get an email shout “email!”
  • During a meeting slowly edge your chair towards the door
  • After every sentence, say “Mon” in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in: “The report’s on your desk, Mon”. Keep this up for at least an hour

You might not keep your job very long, but look on the bright side… you’ll have the opportunity to do it all again some place new 😉



Filed under Humour, Life Coaching, Random

3 responses to “How to Survive a New Job

  1. Eddy,

    I am pleased that you have found an alternative employment. Although, you appear not to be taking it to seriously.

    My tips for keeping a new job for the shortest possible time, might just mirror yours.

    I have 4 days left in mine, until I retire this coming Friday. That is when the fun really starts with testing a vocation.

    And I suspect that there will be plenty of opportunities for humour as my Mentor Vicar has a wild sense of humour.

    Good luck with the new job – and I hope that it is all that you wanted.


    • Eddy

      Hi Ernest

      I find a little humour helps the day go faster… I haven’t tried any of the above but have had a good laugh with my colleagues over them 😉

      All the best with your retirement… I already know that you are not going to sit back and take things easy! let me know how it all goes!

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